A lot

I never realized how much I had to say to people who won't judge me until I started talking.  I know people aren't reading this blog as much as Ms. I or others, but the thought that someone might is enough to keep me interested.  So much I want to say consists of things that happened in the past, things that never passed my lips to anyone I know.  I am trying to stay current, trying to talk about my life as it happens, so I will save those stories for a day of bore.  My online perusing of ways to take part in intimate encounters seems to take me to a new place every day.  Craigslist is supposed to work for people, but I don't think my city is large enough for there to be any quality/real ads on there.  I have tried long and hard to find one, and last night, for the first time I found a real person.  Unfortunately, she does not look to be up to my standards.  Beggars can't be choosers, I know, but I am not necessarily a beggar.  Moreover, I am always going to be a chooser.  The fact that a real person responded to me was astounding-- I never post my own, and have mailed my fair share over the past months.  Ashley Madison also earned my interest (and my credit card number), but I think my location has hindered me.  Not only do I live in the Bible belt, where dreams are made of fairy tale shame spirals and guilt showers, but the city just doesn't have a population necessary to support a wide selection of people.  I am in my early 20's and single, so I understand that many women on AM would be hesitant to consider me an option.   If I could put aside the heuristic most women hold of a male my age regarding our emotional, intellectual, and sexual maturity (which is pretty accurate, but not for me); I would still have to battle the stigma of being single and young.  Both of these factors appear to increase the risk in women's minds: I have less to lose by not staying discreet, I may become attached, I may do something stupid and expose them, etc.  I do not know whether these fears are founded, since I have never been a boytoy for some married woman.  I do know that I am exceptional.  The belief that men, especially young ones, are concerned solely with their own pleasure does not hold true for me.  It has been my experience that I enjoy going downtown Georgia brown on a girl more than I enjoy having sex with her.  This may speak to the quality of my sex (that's a different story), or it may be a reflection of my deep-seeded need to earn a woman's affection.  Does the motivation matter to the female with her hands in my hair and legs warming my ears?   I would say no.  The belief that men, especially young ones, can not hold an intelligent conversation does not hold true for me.  I am a smart, charming, witty fellow.  Chalk it up to a career in bs-ing, a pretty high IQ, an overwhelming need to please women, or just that I am literate.  The belief that men, especially young ones, are sexually retarded (in the clinical sense, not the "that's so retarded" way) does not..... well maybe it does.  I am not experienced, am not sure of my ability, and would rather not be shown to be inadequate.  I have the book knowledge, I have the smarts, but does that translate to practice?  That was an incredibly lengthy (that's what she said, Michael Scott says hi) tangent.  Fact is that I want to find the correct venue to express myself sexually.