HNT: Where my name originates

I sent an email to someone, and my nickname for this gmail account was on there. They said something about what did it mean, etc., when I responded that it had to do with my enjoyment of kayaking, they said they were concerned I was into something more sinister.  As moronic as that is to say to someone you don't even know, I suppose some people who have read some of the posts, and didn't know any better, could assume I have a thing for spanking.  Not to discount my fondness for the limited spanking opportunities I have had, but it obviously stems from my thing for paddle sports: kayaking, rafting, etc.  If you are interested in getting into paddling, I would honestly love to talk to you about it.  I get impassioned and grinny when I talk about it to someone else, so ask away. Is this a great picture, or what? Natural beauty speaks to me, in women, and in the world.

HNT: Perspectives

I finally have the opportunity to take a mirror straight out of the shower picture, but I am wondering whether I should put up a picture that explains my nickname.  It's tempting, but I'll put this one up to spike my traffic.  If you can figure out the perspective I had in mind when I took the shot, you may be able to gain a different, more alluring perspective for yourself.  

Intake Form

BACKGROUND INFORMATION

Name-Paddlemonster (the kayaking implement, or the rougher stuff, if you prefer)

Sex- Male, confused a little about what may be expected of me

Age- I'm in college, and not one of the creepy 40 year old freshmen

Ethnicity- White. I've got Cherokee heritage, but doesn't everyone?

Sexual Orientation- Heterosexual, but only making out, anything else would be too much at this point.

Preferred Method of Contact- Text message during my physiological psychology class

Academic Information- Currently a student, but that won't last much longer if this doesn't work.

Referred by- The people who said this was my only free option.

PRESENTING CONCERNS

Briefly describe what brought you in today- Dull and hollow affect, lack of sex and competitive drive, inability to concen....

LEVEL OF IMPACT

How much do these concerns interfere with your: (1-5)

Academic Performance-4

Emotional Well-Being-3

Social Activities-4

Daily Routine-2

MENTAL HEALTH HISTORY

Have you received mental health treatment in the past?- Nothing helpful, but definitely treatment of some kind.

Have you purposely injured yourself without suicidal intent?- Unless you count SG, no.

I just wanted to rid myself of my smart ass answers before I went to my appointment.  The therapist I am seeing is a woman, I am interested to see how that affects my perception. 

Either way, I am looking forward to it. 

Drool!

I just found this girl on the web, and I am quite happy I did.  Not because she is the hottest girl in the world, which is disputable, but because she is my fantasy, completely, no exceptions, in this picture.  Thick blonde hair, voluminous lips,  light eyes, large breasts, exquisite everything else, but most importantly, the men's shirt with the slight hint of panties.  GOD ALLLLMIGHTY! You can find other pictures of her, but this is just magic. 

The Click Through from HNT.

I am sorry, but I am obviously not smart enough to figure out how to set stuff up so you can see a different picture when you click on one for HNT.  So here is what should have been on the click through.  If someone who knows how to do click through stuff would help me, I would be so so happy.

HNT: Exercising my right to photoshop

Because I have slacked on my recent HNT posts, I decided to add a treat to it this week. Every night before I go to sleep, I do some pushups, some sit-ups, and some body bridges.  It's my way of calming down before I go to sleep. I fiddled with my camera exposure to demonstrate a pushup in action, and if you click, you might find said treat.    

I think this should work.

Challenged?

I felt better than I have in a long time last night.  I didn't feel whole or normal, just better. I faced a little bit of a challenge, performed, and felt actualized to an extent. This is worth noting here, considering my recent string of upsetting discussions.  I had a crappy week last week, and last night really helped me remember that something was wrong, and that relief exists.  Based on the hope I gained, I decided to call a mental health professional and seek treatment.

I have yet to make the call. I am embarrassed, and am struggling with my pride.  I suppose I just call the office and say I need to make an appointment. I suppose we will see.  I am hoping for courage and ability to look past my foolish arrogance.  I'm a psychology major, and yet I still am embarrassed to call and ask for help.  I imagine a combination of my own personal struggles with weakness, as well as a hesitance to go to the doctor in general (it's just a pain in the ass), contributes to this trepidation. I can't imagine what it must be like for those who haven't been brought up around psychology/talk therapy ideals/etc. 

I am looking forward to the challenge of doing something threatening like this.  Even calling and taking the steps towards getting help will require me to face issues I battle every day.  

The Politics of Greece

I am a member of a Greek organization, for those who did not know.  Dater X, you can stop reading now, if your disgust with all things fraternity is just too much to stomach. ;)

When I signed up to join, I was unaware of how the process worked: rush, pledge, bid, etc.  Being a pledge basically means being the active members' bitch until you are initiated and get to mistreat the next group of pledges.  While my school is very serious about preventing hazing, that doesn't stop the actives from exercising what little power they still hold.  Tonight, I got a taste of that, in a more negative way than I have had thus far.

The pledges had to elect a leader at the beginning of this process, a person to be a liaison between the officer in charge of us, and the group.  I volunteered, and won the post.  After a meeting of the whole chapter a few weeks ago, during which a member had told a story of driving drunk people home who vomited in his car, I jokingly said that I wouldn't be driving any drunks home, since 'my ride is so fly, and I don't drink anyway, so not like I need it.'

This was a joke.  The other pledges laughed, I moved on.  Tonight, the officer in charge of the pledges asked me during the chapter meeting, in front of everyone if I had said that I wasn't going to sober drive since I don't use it.  I said yes, and that I had done so in jest.  He said I was a dumbass and then said 'you're fired.'

There are pledges who didn't particularly like the way I ran things (if that's even possible, considering all I basically did was mass text people after the officer told me what to do). These pledges told active members during the past few weeks that I didn't take commitments like sober driving seriously, spinning me as a bad guy, a snob, precocious.  The pledge who doesn't have to follow the rules.

Now the actives told the officer in charge about this, and he called me out on it.  I don't blame him, that's what I would have done too.  I think the pledges who started the drama, should have said something to my face about it.  I think the actives should have asked me about it.  But, once I got fired, those responsible for spreading my words volunteered to replace me, and won.

All in the name of brotherhood, character, loyalty, and honor.

I'm disappointed that I believed in something greater than myself.  Foolish me. 

Smarter Than That

I voiced my concerns to the Winner. Her new name is the Liar.

I should know better than that.