When I hear a song I like, or a show I like, or a dish I like, but especially the song thing, I like it. I repeat it. Over and over it plays, and over and over I like it. Today, yesterday, I have been getting into bed and repeating a word over and over: push. I don't know what it means exactly. I don't know why I'm saying it, but my heart is pounding, and all that is in my mind is push. Sometimes I believe I want to push someone, push them away; sometimes I believe I want to push myself, push towards a goal or objective. Then again, maybe I just want to push against something, to have active adversary or resistance. I want it tattooed in big block letters on my body, as if putting it down like that will allow me to release its repetitive grasp on me.
In other news, an update: The Princess is back, she called me and said "I want to try us again, I want to date you." I agreed to it, with some stipulations. I am going to be emotionally reserved, but display the overtones of a lover with sensitivity. Basically I am lying to her, making her believe I am interested to a point. If she comes through, then great, I may actually come up to meet that projected level. If she flakes out like she did before, or if I feel like it's right, I'm gonna let her know it was all a lie. Fuck her either way.
Virginia is getting closer and closer to coming here. She was supposed to come in the summer, and I have basically been waiting to get a job until she came, because I didn't want to leave her alone for long stretches of time, and I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. I hope she comes soon, I'm running out of saved money. I'm just not sure how this will end, or how I want it to end even. On the one hand, she is so compatible with me. We are similar in so many ways, but a lot of days, I feel like there's a spark missing. I remind myself that spark (which I feel with the Princess) is probably my deep and ingrained desire for drama and a woman who is cold, unavailable, etc. She's not boring, but I don't know.
And a new character, whom I haven't thought of a clever name for, has arrived. She is perplexing. I keep her name amongst contenders because I may soon be in proximity to her, and she's hot. She is young, and she shows it. I get actually annoyed with some of her immaturity, but at the same time, I find aspects of it refreshing. Oh well.
Showing posts with label The princess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The princess. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Currently, ish
I just noticed that I use "ish" a lot. Anyhooser, I just graduated from college.
Hold the applause, cancel the parade, it was an undergraduate degree, and I am not a convicted felon or disabled person. College was like high school, with longer papers and more irrelevant classes and more politics in the classroom. It was NOT hard, it was NOT a challenge, and it was not that enjoyable. Not the time of my life, not the best years, not any of that.
Now I'm a college degree holder with absolutely no plan for the future. I don't know what career I will choose, I don't have any romantic interests (more on that subject in a moment), I still live with my parents. This is a popular sentiment, I'm sure.
I think most people who ask "So, what are you going to do now?" are just misguided and making small talk. For my entire life to this point, someone has told me what the next step is, what I will do. School was my life, my career, my identity. It was my obligation. Now I have nothing to define me. Thrown into the world with a college degree and a sarcastic mouth, and expected to know more than I do.
Don't mistake this for complaining, because I'm happy to be out of school. I did it for 17 years, and I'm glad it's over. Am I talented enough to succeed in graduate school? yes. Do I want to go? That's a mixed question. Something within me wants to go, but I think for the wrong reasons. The only reason I feel grad school would serve would be to delay having to make a decision and begin my adult life. I would argue there is a healthy portion of grad school students who do this, and I have a precious life to begin. (read sarcasm there)
So what DO I plan to do at this point? I am going to go get a waiting job: something at a chain restaurant like outback or tgi lick my pussy's. I can make 800 bucks a month, work 20 hours a week, and do what I want during the day. This is my immediate plan for the summertime, and I'll see what happens come september.
Romantically: SG walked right into me, literally, at graduation. It was a little awkward, because the last time we spoke, it ended poorly. I didn't write about this, I was pissed off and embarrassed, and it may be something to write about later. She is crazy, and hot, and I could have (and still may be able to) fucked her any time I desired. I didn't because of a lot of reasons, but that doesn't stop me from knowing how sexy she is.
A girl who has been vaguely mentioned before, and I are getting close. She lives some ways away, and plans to visit me over the summer. I'll call her Virginia. I'm excited to see her, but feel not completely committed. I feel like she entertains me, and we converse easily, but there are a lot of things I feel like I am missing with her. She's beautiful and fun and sweet and a bit of a freak, and I do like her a lot. Some X factor seems to not be there.
Two other people to mention in this heading are The princess (total daddy's girl with a chip on her shoulder) and the brag (she continually talks herself up like she's selling herself as a brand). The princess and I used to be very, very close, and I still like her a lot. She is sparks, she is reactive, and I really like it. It's a weird thing between me and her, as she is kinda hot and cold with me.
The brag is attracted to me, likes me more than she will admit, and is trying way too hard to impress me (I wish I could show you some of the things she says, it's like a junior high boy trying to out do another junior high boy). The kicker about that resides in the fact that she also doesn't want to admit it. She and a guy kind of maintain a relationship (they used to date, broke up, and still fuck), and it's a little too sophomoric for me. She's hot though, and a lot of a freak. Actually, all three of the girls here are freaks, in the same ways. Interesting
Hold the applause, cancel the parade, it was an undergraduate degree, and I am not a convicted felon or disabled person. College was like high school, with longer papers and more irrelevant classes and more politics in the classroom. It was NOT hard, it was NOT a challenge, and it was not that enjoyable. Not the time of my life, not the best years, not any of that.
Now I'm a college degree holder with absolutely no plan for the future. I don't know what career I will choose, I don't have any romantic interests (more on that subject in a moment), I still live with my parents. This is a popular sentiment, I'm sure.
I think most people who ask "So, what are you going to do now?" are just misguided and making small talk. For my entire life to this point, someone has told me what the next step is, what I will do. School was my life, my career, my identity. It was my obligation. Now I have nothing to define me. Thrown into the world with a college degree and a sarcastic mouth, and expected to know more than I do.
Don't mistake this for complaining, because I'm happy to be out of school. I did it for 17 years, and I'm glad it's over. Am I talented enough to succeed in graduate school? yes. Do I want to go? That's a mixed question. Something within me wants to go, but I think for the wrong reasons. The only reason I feel grad school would serve would be to delay having to make a decision and begin my adult life. I would argue there is a healthy portion of grad school students who do this, and I have a precious life to begin. (read sarcasm there)
So what DO I plan to do at this point? I am going to go get a waiting job: something at a chain restaurant like outback or tgi lick my pussy's. I can make 800 bucks a month, work 20 hours a week, and do what I want during the day. This is my immediate plan for the summertime, and I'll see what happens come september.
Romantically: SG walked right into me, literally, at graduation. It was a little awkward, because the last time we spoke, it ended poorly. I didn't write about this, I was pissed off and embarrassed, and it may be something to write about later. She is crazy, and hot, and I could have (and still may be able to) fucked her any time I desired. I didn't because of a lot of reasons, but that doesn't stop me from knowing how sexy she is.
A girl who has been vaguely mentioned before, and I are getting close. She lives some ways away, and plans to visit me over the summer. I'll call her Virginia. I'm excited to see her, but feel not completely committed. I feel like she entertains me, and we converse easily, but there are a lot of things I feel like I am missing with her. She's beautiful and fun and sweet and a bit of a freak, and I do like her a lot. Some X factor seems to not be there.
Two other people to mention in this heading are The princess (total daddy's girl with a chip on her shoulder) and the brag (she continually talks herself up like she's selling herself as a brand). The princess and I used to be very, very close, and I still like her a lot. She is sparks, she is reactive, and I really like it. It's a weird thing between me and her, as she is kinda hot and cold with me.
The brag is attracted to me, likes me more than she will admit, and is trying way too hard to impress me (I wish I could show you some of the things she says, it's like a junior high boy trying to out do another junior high boy). The kicker about that resides in the fact that she also doesn't want to admit it. She and a guy kind of maintain a relationship (they used to date, broke up, and still fuck), and it's a little too sophomoric for me. She's hot though, and a lot of a freak. Actually, all three of the girls here are freaks, in the same ways. Interesting
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