Some history, maybe some mystery

In the spirit of beginning, it's only fitting I open with some events that led me to where I am now.  I grew up in a semi-small town in the Midwest.  I can hardly go anywhere without knowing someone, and I graduated from high school in a town not too far from my college.  My freshman year of university was spent wrapped up, nose to toes, in a girlfriend.  I did not live on campus, I did not join a frat, I did not do anything but devote.  It took a few months of my sophomore year for her and I to break up.  She cheated, I forgave, she cheated again, I forgave.... you understand the picture.  In defense of my dignity (which I suppose is like defending Sadaam Hussein: no hope), she was my FIRST girlfriend, we had met during high school, and all the typical crap.  She eventually crawled back, but thats a different story, maybe for another time.

How does this lead to where I now reside?  

As already evidenced, I have not chosen to partake in many of the activities of my peers.  Do not mistake me, this is not some judgmental soapbox I use to crash on others.  As you will see, my vices are not underrepresented, just directed differently.  Since I am reasonably inexperienced in romantic matters ( again, my choice, the opportunities have been there, I just find myself not interested), and without a great deal of social network, I come to the place I am now.  

And for the first time I have to examine, as objectively as possible, that place.  

My vices are sexual.  I do not drink, I do not do drugs (see above if you think I'm judgmental or pretentious, because I think it's all the same).  I have desires that equal most people my age, but I do not have physical avenues to take to express them.  Again, the chances have been presented, but I have not done anything for one reason or another.  More often than not, I am just not that interested.  In short, it has been a while since I have touched anyone.  I blame myself, and no one else. 

Still having desires, and not wanting to play tennis with a brick wall all the time (if you don't get that reference, watch American Pie. Jim's dad is a cool guy, and the scene with Nadia is still quite exciting all these years later), I wanted to find ways to interact with others sexually.  I got on the internet, and I found the answer.  Different sites offering different things, and all the stuff that goes with that.  At first, it was going to be something to boost my ego, to get me going after the break-up.  But it's become a safe thing, a risk-free thing, and was a pretty satisfying thing for a long time.  I have met a lot of people, and learned a lot. This blog will explore some of those interactions, some of those people, some of my feelings about it, some of the dangers of it, and my life as I see fit to discuss here.

Beginning

I don't know exactly how to say this but......

I have been reading other people's blogs: reading about the adventures, the whims, the rants, the politics, the harmonics, the sodomists, the hedonists, the follies, the dripping lips of QWERTY.  The purpose of this blog is to tell someone about my life, the Jekyll and Hyde (and another side I can't find a clever name for) that exists.  I want to just let it happen in a natural way, and to be honest with it.  Perhaps the first step towards finding reality is acknowledging its presence after the fact; seeking it out in a way impossible at the time and reconciling it with what you perceived.  The marriage of the two may be growth, may be truth, or just may be inane existential ramblings of a college-aged, over-thinking, male.  Does it really matter enough for me to question?

Obviously, or else I wouldn't be writing this.

The name comes from something I read on a door.  Something that, at the time was incredibly perfect.  When I least expected it and when I most needed to hear it, these words scrolled across my perspective:

Everyone is Waiting

For you to be as Great As they always knew you were

Be unafraid